Emotions

Emotions

  

Oh emotions. Where do I even begin?

We have anger. We have happiness. We have sadness. We have excitement. We have bitterness. We have all kinds of emotions. 

I have learned over time that you must embrace these emotions. 

I use to try and cover them up. When I would feel a negative emotion I would freak out. I would get even worse anxiety from these negative emotions. Though, I say “negative”. Are they really “negative” if we don’t act on them and embrace them? 

Are these emotions “bad” or even evil? I don’t think so. It’s so natural to feel these emotions. They are God given emotions. God gave us these emotions for a reason. 

Acting on these emotions is probably the worst thing you can do for yourself. Controlling my emotions and how I react with them has been a challenge. Let’s face it we all act on emotion. We really do. It’s a complete learning process to not act off emotions. I know for me sadness is the emotion I act on the most. I’m good when I’m angry. I embrace the anger and share that I am angry but I do not act on it. Sadness however is a completely different story. 

I act so badly off of sadness. I am not sure why. It may be the anxiety/depression or the fact that I just don’t know how to handle sadness as well as other emotions.

Sadness is the most overwhelming emotion for me. As well as frustration. Feeling frustrated is one of the worst feelings/emotion on planet earth. It is the worlds purest form of evil in my opinion. 

Keeping a positive attitude through all emotions is key for me to help me keep sane and a level head. Positivity is something that makes life a lot easier. Once you learn to be positive through any situation will change your entire life. 

Act off of positivity. I promise it’ll change your life. 

Thanks for reading,

Lex 

Sensitive soul

Sensitive soul

  


Dear sensitive soul,

Some days you may feel frustrated about how small your soul may feel. Some days you feel like you want to throw in this whole nice person personality and let anger rawr. Oh, dear soul, you were not meant to be full of anger and frustration. You were made for so, so much more. You are sweet and kind hearted. Don’t ever change dear soul. 



In this world there are so many souls. There are so many people on this planet. The personalities range drastically. 

But, to one in particular. The emotional, sensitive and sweet soul. I am talking to you. Some days you may feel like your soul or personality is weaker than others. That is a complete lie. You are one of the strongest of all. You know those nasty words those people said to you that one time and you held your tongue? You sat back and took it? You were stronger. You had the self control to not speak words of hate back.

When those people told you that you were too nice for your own good? Thank them. That’s a compliment. Too nice? There is no such thing.

When you choose love over hate. When you care about those around you despite the way they have treated or treat you. 

Sweet soul, keep being sweet. Keep caring. I know some days seem incredibly impossible. It will feel as if some people just love to walk on you. And it’s true, some do. Don’t change. 

It’ll all pay off one day. That sweet soul is rare and incredibly beautiful. 

  
Stay kind hearted and stay gentle. 

Keep your head up when some want to see you fail. And when you do fail, because you will, continue to keep that head up.

Having a big heart is so completely worth it. Remember that. 

Don’t let anyone tell you that you are something you are not. Don’t let your past mistakes cover up that sweet soul. Stay innocent. Again I say, stay sweet. Stay emotional. Embrace those perfect emotions.

  

Thanks for reading,

Lex 

Seventeen.

Seventeen.

This was it. It was time to tell her. Half asleep I moved one foot in front of the other. My heart was beating out of my chest and I felt like I was going to throw up or melt on the floor into a puddle of fear. 

What was she going to say? What is she going to think? How could I be telling my mother this right now? Is this real life? Is this really happening? Maybe I should wait and take ONE more test. After all the first 4 I took were negative. Maybe the past couple months of missing a few periods weren’t real. Maybe I’ll wake up. 

Nope. Still awake. Still real. And still putting one foot in front of the other down the stairs. Into the back room I went. 

“Mom, you said no matter what I did you would always love me right?”

She looked me in the eyes and I’ll never forget that conversation. 

I still remember it like it was yesterday. It’s still as clear as glass. 

I was apart of the statistic.

  
I was in a place I never would of dreamed I would EVER be in. 

I was a teen who was pregnant. Where do I go from here? How could this be real? Now I have to tell dad. How is my whole family going to handle this? What am I going to do? What are WE going to do? Do we get married? Do we work this out? 

I was 17. SEVENTEEN. I was looking at colleges. I wanted to cheer in college. I wanted to be a magazine editor. I wanted to live in a big city and make a lot of money and stay single and live my life for ME. 

Throw a baby in the picture and that wasn’t about to happen. Throw those cheerleading dreams away and forget living in a big city.

I was freaking out. I just knew everyone around me was going to hate me and judge me and rip me apart. And well, as to be expected some people did.

Those days were some dark ones. I had lost my best friends a few months prior. I had stopped going to church on the regular. I had turned in a direction I didn’t need to turn in…or did I need to?

You see, I had my own “perfect” plan for my life. I had this vision of myself that was perfect and I just knew it was going to happen. I was going to make it happen. I was going to be something great. Little did I know that God had other plans for my life. 

After a while my family came around to the idea of me being pregnant. They started to actually get excited as well as my boyfriend at the times family. Me and him decided we would get married. He was going into the military and I would follow him where he would go. Me and him had been together off and on through high school and our families jut knew we would end up together.

Being a pregnant teenager was extremely hard. In October of 2010 I was extremely pregnant and moved to elizabethtown Kentucky where my husband was stationed. I knew no one. I was 18 and I was terrified. 

Having my daughter young was the most perfect thing that could of happened to me. The way I was going mentally at 17 was not leading me down good paths. God saved me through analeigh grace. I have always said that. It is still hard some days being a young mom. But, I wouldn’t trade her for the world. She is my little sunshine when my skies are grey. She lights up my world. She lights up the world around her and brings happiness and laughter where ever she goes. 

Would I recommend to other teens that getting pregnant that young is a good idea? No. 

Ladies, wait. Do YOU. Enjoy your life being young. I am not saying I haven’t enjoyed my life. But the trials bringing a little life into this world brings along are great for someone so young. 

I decided when I got pregnant it was time to grow up. I knew that in order to be the mother My child needed me to be that I needed to grow up and be responsible. At 17 You are just a child yourself. Having to tell yourself you have to grow up now is a very hard thing to deal with. 

Are you prepared to wake up all night every night for months to feed that precious baby? Are you ready to take on a job, multiple jobs if you must to provide for that precious child? Are you ready to buy formula, diapers, baby clothes, pacifiers, wipes and much much more things? Are you ready to give up so much to put that baby first? Are you ready to give up those college dreams? 

Are you prepared for…wait for it…CHILDBIRTH?! Cause I can guarantee you aren’t. Are you ready to share your body for 9 months? Are you ready to accept the changes that are about to happen to your body? And dare I say it again… THE CHILDBIRTH?! 

  
I am not trying to scare anyone out of having a baby. But, I am trying to scare you into taking your time and enjoying being a kid yourself. No need to rush growing up. Trust me, you’ll have plenty of time to pay bills and work every. Single. Day. To pay those bills. Stay young friends. 

My baby is my blessing. And I wouldn’t change it for anything. But, I have a passion for encouraging teens to think a little more than I did. Be ready. Because if you’re not…it’s not fair to that baby. They can’t choose. They can’t pick. 

  
I have a passion and a love for teen mothers. I want to wrap them all up in my arms and tell them that everything will be okay. Because although things seem hard, exhausting, and just impossible right now, it will get better. 

One day you’ll be standing in her pre-k class watching as she waves, hugs you, tells you she loves you and runs off to her friends without a care in the world. 

The trials of being a teen mother are great. But the reward of raising that baby is so much greater. 

Keep holding on teen mommies. You got this. 

Thanks for reading, 

Lex 

That awkward moment.

That awkward moment.

That awkward moment when…

My hair isn’t awkward! 

  
Fashion. 

Hair.

Clothes. 

Oh my!

When it comes to hair styles I am so completely not capable of creating a master piece work of art on my head. In fact, most days my hair looks pretty much the same, curls. I hardly branch out from what I know. Today I have discovered a new style and I must share.

Yes, my hours of lost sleep on Pinterest has finally paid off in this one single hairstyle. 

This my friends is a headband with my rolled, yes you read that right, ROLLED up into the headband to form this adorable messy creation of hair. 

I can’t believe I am blogging about this currently. Maybe it’s lack of sleep or excitement for this weekend. Regardless, I am seriously making this post about my mess of a mop being rolled up into a headband to form somewhat of a hairstyle. 

The world as we know it will now never be the same. Lexie’s hair is going to break the Internet. Watch out. 

A lot of days my hair is thrown up into a frizzy messy bun of a mess. But some days you just have to throw on a bit more make up and figure out that new hairstyle, wear a fancier dress and just flaunt it. Today is that day. You know why? Cause it’s FRIIIIDAAAAYYYYY. And I can.

So, break the Internet with your hairstyles, your make up, your fashion, your selfies, your smiles and for goodness sakes go flaunt it today because you are purdy. (And yes men you can flaunt it too)

Thanks for reading the ramblings,

Lex 

The flip side

The flip side

  
I am going to go on about something other than fitness and body related posts. I guess in a way this ties into the whole thing. I just wanted to make a post on the one thing in my life that gets me down like nothing else. 

Anxiety. 

Anxiety is one of the most evil things I’ve ever known. I believe I’ve always had it. I had issues as a small child with anxiety. I about drove my family crazy when I was in elementary school with my anxiety. I don’t think it crossed any of our minds that that’s what it must of been. 

It started with my church burning down. I believe I was 9 years old at that point. I watched as the church I grew up in go up in flames with a few strangers while my parents ventured closer to the burning building. They knew the people they left me back with…I didn’t. I was in a panic and still remember the way I felt that night. It was terrible. I thought my parents had gone inside or something like that. I watched as the flames tore up the steeple and it fell. Yes, it fell right there in front of all our faces. 

After that, September 11th happened and one of my grandfathers died. I had issues sleeping and even family vacations were fun anymore. My mom took me to therapy and I was scared of my therapist. 

Years went by and those wounds healed. Around that time every year I would get stomach aches and we finally came to the conclusion that it was probably from everything that had happened around that time of year. 

It always seems so silly that something that seems so small would affect me in such a big way. It did though.

High school came around and there was the pressure to fit in and be liked. I had people I cared about call me fat and ugly things. I had friends come and go as we all do. I ended up back in counseling in high school. I loved my counselor and she helped me work out some situations in my life that were toxic and I got them fixed the best we could. She wanted to put me on meds but I didn’t. I told her I wanted to do everything I could without the meds and she understood of course. I saw her for a while then life got busy and surprise…I got pregnant. 

Pregnancy was amazing. I was so happy pregnant. I had stressors obviously during those times too. I found out I was pregnant in March. Got married April 24th 2010…a week later my then husband left for basic training. That he wouldn’t come home from until October 2010. Analeigh grace was born November 13th, 2010 and he deplored the first week of January. The deployment was right at a year. That is something I will save for a whole other post. Needless to say deployment wasn’t a walk in the park on my anxiety. Things got worse when he got home. We divorced shortly after his return. I moved home. There was a 5 month period of time when I would wake up every night about the same time with a panic attack. I remember in highschool running down the stairs grabbing my chest and gasping for air telling mom I think I’m having a heart attack. I fell on the floor sobbing and mom held me and told me it was going to be okay. It was in my head and my heart was 100% okay. 

Mom was my rock through my anxiety. She talked me through panic attacks and listened to my rants about my stressors in my life. 

My anxiety creeps up quite often. Usually it’s a week to two weeks of pure hell. Of crying and thinking. Oh, the overthinking. The fact that for a week-2 weeks my brain is constantly going in the worst possible direction. The absolute most terrible part about it is it’s like I’m sitting back and watching myself get sucked into a black hole. I try and help myself and talk myself out of it. I was actually getting pretty good at talking myself through it. But, I’m losing that again. I am having a harder time lately. I can still talk myself back I just have to work extra hard for it.

I’ve been through a lot from ages 17-23. And yes, it’s all based on choices I’ve made and such. I know this. Maybe I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to my anxiety. I don’t help myself. But as I say quite often, I guess I’m human too. 

I am not posting this for attention. I am posting this for the simple fact to show that anxiety is real. And it isn’t something you can ignore. It’s something people live with day in and day out. It isn’t a disease you can “see” on the outside. Maybe it’d be easier if it were. People might not think you’re as crazy then. 

Anxiety is evil. It makes you believe you are alone when you really and truly are not. It makes you feel trapped. It makes you feel weak and useless. It makes you want to crawl in a hole and not come out until the anxiety decides to hide away again. It comes. It goes. It’s like an evil monster. Some days I am free from it. I feel it’s gone and it’s completely safe. Then the next day I’m being torn apart from the inside out. It’s completely exhausting. 

I have a beautiful soul. I have a beautiful heart. For people who know me know that I am a extremely sensitive person with emotions that are extremely sensitive. Some days that’s a curse and some days it is a complete blessing. My life is beautiful. I cherish every single day in on this earth alive and breathing. Things can just get a little dark some days. I’m human after all. 

A few things that personally help me with my anxiety. Writing is a huge deal. I have written two books. Another big thing is fitness…obviously. Hehe. Reading helps a lot too. And talking with friends or family. 

Now I have put myself out there and half of you probably think I’m insane(I mean I kind of am). I am going to let that all sink in now. 

Friends with anxiety. You aren’t alone here. And I’m not alone either. We must remember that. 

Thanks for reading,

Lex

Gym stares.

Gym stares.

morning yall.

  
My fitness story began with me losing 50lbs. At that time I never stepped a single foot in a gym. No way. No how. I lost all my weight from home and refused to workout in public. The most public workout I did for years was my neighbors seeing me workout in my back yard or run by their house. Running when my neighbors were outside would make my lovely anxiety flair up badly. I would look at my feet when I would run by people. I would want to turn around and go back home because I just knew they were staring at me and judging me. I just knew they were watching the weird ways my legs jiggled with every step I took. I knew they were watching my baby belly move around under my clothes and by good gosh I knew they were wondering if I was going to have a heart attack with the way my face was pink and my breathing was so heavy and just off. Therefore there was NO WAY I was stepping a single foot in a gym. 

Sure, I had lost 50lbs and was the smallest I’d ever been in my life. When I looked in the mirror though, I saw that 185lb girl staring back at me. It took me a while to own my weight loss. After I had my daughter I had a really hard time excepting my body. I rubbed all kinds of creams on my belly to not get stretch marks…come 35 weeks along and I got a million stretch marks over night. This made my 18 year old self cringe. I cried when they popped up. It took years to accept them. 

It took months after I lost all my weight before I decided I wanted to add weight training into my routine. My husband at that time tried and tried and tried to get me to go with him to the gym but I was terrified. Not only was it a gym but it was a military gym. That means there were a ton of males in the gym. That in itself was intimidating to me. 

I still remember the first time I went to the gym. I remember having an anxiety attack, cutting my workout short, and darting straight out the door. 

I decided the next week to go back and give it another try. Part of the reason I was intimidated is I had NO clue what machines did what or what I was doing. I had zero plans. I had not a clue. I went back that next week and wanted to squat. I remember slowly loading weight on the bar and taking my time. I remember standing there staring at the bar when a older man walked over to me. He said “can I borrow that real quick?” I stepped back and nodded. He got in the squat rack and did a few reps. He stepped back smiled and said “watch one more time” and did a few more slow reps. He stepped back and signaled me to step into the rack. I did. He told me where to put my hands and explained form to me. He watched me do a few, gave me advice and then walked on to his own business. I smiled to myself and was slightly panicking at the situation that just went down. I did a few more reps, unloaded my weight and left. 

I slowly got more comfortable with the gym. I slowly started to open my eyes to just how far I had come on my journey. Finally, I got to the point where I kept my shoulders and head up as I would walk through the door of the gym. The gym stares were no longer intimidating. In fact, I welcomed them. I loved the fact that when I would pick up those 25lb dumb bells and throw them around like they weighted nothing I would get stares from guys lifting and girls who were on the cardio machines. I really hope I encouraged some ladies to get off those machines and throw some iron around. 

The gym stares were hard to get by. But standing by and not expanding my fitness just wasn’t worth it anymore. I had to learn to face my fear of being looked at and I did. Some people might find that ridiculous or silly. From someone with strong anxiety though, it was a major deal. 

Now, I go to the gym at least 2-3 days a week and I welcome the looks of awe from people watching me lift heavier than I look like I can. I love going to the gym now. And even though some days I look in the mirror and don’t exactly like what I see, I embrace my hard work. I worked for this. I wasn’t given this. I worked my ass off to get where I am. So fear of the gym stares won’t stop me. 

If you have some kind of fear…get through it. It might take minutes, hours, days, months or even years. But when you overcome those gym stares…it’ll be so worth it. Get out there and get it today. Happy Thursday yall. 

Thanks for reading,

Lex

Rough times call for..

Rough times call for..

WORKOUTS, CLOTHES, and CHOCOLATE! 

Yes, you have seen right. Three of my favorite things. I am the queen of shopping for clothes. If there is something I would like to spend my money on…it’s clothes. 

So, when times get rough…I workout, shop, and eat chocolate.

Yesterday I hit the trifecta. 

Number one…WORKOUT.

 
Yesterday’s workout was pretty awesome. We didn’t make it to the gym because I just wanted to workout in the heat. That’s another transition that’s been rough leaving my Crossfit box. Air conditioned gym. I hate working out in the air conditioning now. So, an outdoor workout in the summertime does the trick when I want to get a little or a lot sweaty. Yesterday’s workout was just what I needed during this week that for me, is just seeming to be extremely emotional week. (I’ll post the workout at the end of this post).

Stress reliever number dos….SHOPPING! 

  

I may or may not have bought myself a new dress. As of late I’ve been hoarding my money like there is no tomorrow. But, last night I just needed that dress. Okay so, I didn’t need it…but I wanted it. Life is short order the dress right? 
Number threeeeeee. CHOCOLATE. 

  
I laid in bed for hours trying to deny this one. I texted my roommate for a while before we both decided we wanted chocolate enough. I met her in the kitchen and we had a little conversation over chocolate. 
Some days you just need the workout, clothes, and the chocolate. Some days it’s just better to give in to it all and enjoy yourself. Whatever little things you have in your life that bring a little joy. Go for it. We all deserve a little happiness right? 🙂 

And there you have it folks. My three top things for when times get rough. 

Thanks for reading,

Lex
(Here is yesterday’s workout for anyone who is curious)