When life goes left…not right

When life goes left…not right

  
In life you don’t usually end up where you think you’ll be.

I know I’ve blogged on this topic before. But, I’m good at repeating myself at times. So, here goes.

I’m no where near where I thought I would be in life. When I was young i had no idea what I wanted to be when I “grew up”. As I got into high school I wanted to be a few different things. I went back and forth between a physical therapist or a magazine editor. 

I had big dreams of moving to New York City and interning at a magazine company. I had wanted to live in a high rise apartment that over looked the city. I wanted to be a career women. I didn’t want a family. I didn’t want kids. Maybe a boyfriend or something but nothing serious. I wanted to focus on myself and making a lot of money. I had an extremely selfish mindset. 

I also wanted to cheer in college. I wanted to be seen basically. I wanted the attention. As a lot of people do. 

This idea and dream didn’t change until I got pregnant. 

When I got pregnant I knew I wouldn’t be moving to New York. It slipped out of my fingers and died. I now had someone else besides myself to worry about. I knew there would be no magazine and there would be no high rise apartment over looking the city alone.

As I am writing this today I have relized I have turned my love for writing into something different. I am now a blogger. 

It’s so funny to me to look back and remember where I thought I would be. I was so set in my ways in high school and I just knew I was going to make it big time. I was going to make loads of money, drive a nice car, and make people know my name. It was going to sit on a magazine and people would know I did that.

These days though, that dream isn’t much of a dream anymore. I now have no care to live in a large city. In fact, I work right outside of Atlanta Georgia and I absolutely hate it. I hate the traffic and I can’t stand the amount of people that aren’t around me in a single day.

Don’t get me wrong. A trip to the city a few times a year is wonderful. I like having that option. But, I could never live in the heart of a large city. 

I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason.

As I have shared before I am a Christian. And I do believe in my God. 

I believe my path was directed elsewhere. I believe I honestly wouldn’t of been happy. I don’t think I knew what I truly wanted at that time. And I thank the Lord that I am where I am today.

I thought I didn’t want children till I was a lot older. Now, I am so thankful I have had one young. So thankful.

Be thankful for where you are in life. Blessing in disguise are truly the best. You may not see them at the time. But later, you will. You’ll see the blessings that you couldn’t exactly see at the time.

Enjoy life. If your dream didn’t come when you wanted it too. It’s okay. Keep hustling and keep working extremely hard to get that dream. If that is what you truly want.

I’m working hard…and I mean extremely hard to become a better and well rounded blogger. I want to be the best I can be and more importantly I want to impact people with my words. I want to use my words to guide and help people the best I can.

I want to write something that means something to someone. I want people to relate to me. I want people to not nessasarly agree with me, but like me well enough to respect my opinions as well as me respecting theirs.

I just want to make an impact. Don’t we all though?

My dream now has changed. It may be along the same lines. It has changed drastically. I am here to impact people with my blog. I am here to change people’s lives with my words. And little by little I will get there. Even if it’s just a few I impact along the way. That’s a victory to me.

Every victory counts. 

So, get out there and chase your dreams but also accept where you are in this crazy world. You’ll never be here again. Every second is passing. There is no time to be unhappy with your life. If you don’t like where you are, change something. Work hard and build a life you love. Work though the kinks and stay strong when the going gets tough.

Live it up. Live it out. 

Thanks so much for reading,

Lex l

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Do you see? 

Do you see? 

  
She steps in front of a mirror.

It’s unlike any mirror she has ever seen in her life. It is one of those full length mirrors you might lay up against the wall. It’s lines in thick wood with some kind of beautiful designs carved into it. The wood is painted white as snow. She walks up to it running her fingers along the designs thinking how perfect of a mirror it is. The person who made this mirror must have been extremely talented. She noticed out of the corner of her eye something that looked familiar. In fact she knew this figure so well.

She straightened up and looked this figure straight in the eyes. Those eyes. She knew them so well. She looked this figure up and down.

Those legs. Those short legs that had a little too much meat on them. She quickly looked away in almost a disgust. She glanced back and her eyes caught this figures stomach. It wasn’t as flat as some girls. It jiggles a bit when this figure moved. She grimaced again. She looked up to this figured face. That chin. That chin that was just a little too big for the figures liking. If it were only q bit smaller. Maybe not as round and maybe just a little bit different shape. She moved on to the arms. The arms of this figure were resting at her sides. The tops of her arms were always a little too big. Her shoulders just a tad too broad. She almost looked a little manly because of this. Her wrists weren’t as dainty as some of the other girls. And her fingers looked short and stumpy. She moved back down to the figures legs. Short, way too short. Not to mention pale. The figures skin was much too pale. It needed more of a tan tint to it don’t you think? Oh, and the cellulite on the backs of her thighs. Isn’t there some kind of way to make that go away? And is it true men don’t get celulite as often? She saw where the figures legs rubbed together when she walked. She shook her head. I bet there is some way to work just that out to get rid of that fat there. After all, that thigh gap is kind of cute. The figure turned to the side. She looked her up and down and and noticed how the figures belly poked out a little bit. A pooch. Then she moved down to the figures backside. It sagged a little too much. Maybe more squats or lunges would do the trick. She looked down to see the calves. The thick calves. How can boots fit properly over those things? Then, the figures feet. Fred flinstone feet. A little bit wider than most. Short and stumpy toes to match the fingers. 

She stepped back and looked the figure up and down again. That frizzy hair really should have something done about it. 

She looked up and locked eyes with this familiar figure. One she felt she had known her whole entire life.

As she glanced up she reached towards the figure and the figure reached back. There finger tips met at the cold glass that stood between them.

Then, she glanced to the side again to touch the beautiful carvings on the mirror.
Self judging is real. Judging ones self is a huge downfall to a lot of people on planet earth. 

Speaking about yourself negatively can strongly affect your life as well as the relationships around you. After all, how can you be happy with others if you can’t be happy with yourself?

Yes, that girl staring at herself in the mirror was myself. I have judged myself for all of the above and more. If anyone knows self hate, I do. I use to hate myself and my appearance. I use to hate my personality. I use to view myself as weak, a scared person. 

Growing to love ones self is so hard. Why can’t it be easy? The world would be so very nice if we could all love ourselves naturally. It would be so nice if there was no pain. If there were no suffering. There is though. There always will be. It’s about working really really hard to make your own world a beautiful place to live. In a world full of evil and sorrow, there is so much beauty as well. 

I’ve learned a few things with my body image. My body is constantly changing. My weight fluctuates literally all the time. Month to month my body is changing. I gain and lose. The thing about loving yourself is loving yourself through every stage of your life. Love your body and your mind. Love yourself as you learn and grow. 

Just take in the process and know that you are beautiful. 

Thanks for reading,

Lex