When life goes left…not right

When life goes left…not right

  
In life you don’t usually end up where you think you’ll be.

I know I’ve blogged on this topic before. But, I’m good at repeating myself at times. So, here goes.

I’m no where near where I thought I would be in life. When I was young i had no idea what I wanted to be when I “grew up”. As I got into high school I wanted to be a few different things. I went back and forth between a physical therapist or a magazine editor. 

I had big dreams of moving to New York City and interning at a magazine company. I had wanted to live in a high rise apartment that over looked the city. I wanted to be a career women. I didn’t want a family. I didn’t want kids. Maybe a boyfriend or something but nothing serious. I wanted to focus on myself and making a lot of money. I had an extremely selfish mindset. 

I also wanted to cheer in college. I wanted to be seen basically. I wanted the attention. As a lot of people do. 

This idea and dream didn’t change until I got pregnant. 

When I got pregnant I knew I wouldn’t be moving to New York. It slipped out of my fingers and died. I now had someone else besides myself to worry about. I knew there would be no magazine and there would be no high rise apartment over looking the city alone.

As I am writing this today I have relized I have turned my love for writing into something different. I am now a blogger. 

It’s so funny to me to look back and remember where I thought I would be. I was so set in my ways in high school and I just knew I was going to make it big time. I was going to make loads of money, drive a nice car, and make people know my name. It was going to sit on a magazine and people would know I did that.

These days though, that dream isn’t much of a dream anymore. I now have no care to live in a large city. In fact, I work right outside of Atlanta Georgia and I absolutely hate it. I hate the traffic and I can’t stand the amount of people that aren’t around me in a single day.

Don’t get me wrong. A trip to the city a few times a year is wonderful. I like having that option. But, I could never live in the heart of a large city. 

I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason.

As I have shared before I am a Christian. And I do believe in my God. 

I believe my path was directed elsewhere. I believe I honestly wouldn’t of been happy. I don’t think I knew what I truly wanted at that time. And I thank the Lord that I am where I am today.

I thought I didn’t want children till I was a lot older. Now, I am so thankful I have had one young. So thankful.

Be thankful for where you are in life. Blessing in disguise are truly the best. You may not see them at the time. But later, you will. You’ll see the blessings that you couldn’t exactly see at the time.

Enjoy life. If your dream didn’t come when you wanted it too. It’s okay. Keep hustling and keep working extremely hard to get that dream. If that is what you truly want.

I’m working hard…and I mean extremely hard to become a better and well rounded blogger. I want to be the best I can be and more importantly I want to impact people with my words. I want to use my words to guide and help people the best I can.

I want to write something that means something to someone. I want people to relate to me. I want people to not nessasarly agree with me, but like me well enough to respect my opinions as well as me respecting theirs.

I just want to make an impact. Don’t we all though?

My dream now has changed. It may be along the same lines. It has changed drastically. I am here to impact people with my blog. I am here to change people’s lives with my words. And little by little I will get there. Even if it’s just a few I impact along the way. That’s a victory to me.

Every victory counts. 

So, get out there and chase your dreams but also accept where you are in this crazy world. You’ll never be here again. Every second is passing. There is no time to be unhappy with your life. If you don’t like where you are, change something. Work hard and build a life you love. Work though the kinks and stay strong when the going gets tough.

Live it up. Live it out. 

Thanks so much for reading,

Lex l

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Did she really?

Did she really?

  
I had an interesting run in with many people via Facebook last night.

Last night I found the “other” folder on my Facebook messenger. You know, the one where it puts messages from people you don’t know or don’t have any mutual friends with.

Well, there were some extremely interesting messages that were tucked away in there. Some I wish I had seen earlier. Some I feel so protected over by not seeing them when they were sent.

There was an ex girlfriend of my ex husband,another ex of a previous ex of mine(that is so confusing I know), some random guy telling me that my was boyfriend was screwing his girlfriend and went to go on ranting for message after message, and a few random people who wrote me about my current situation(random account created by one person trying to look like someone else), some just plain random people saying hey, and someone telling me they follow me on Instagram and I’m incredibly inspirational with my weight loss and fitness journey.

Crazy right?

It made me stop and think as I replied to a few of these people this morning. I was just thinking about the different stages in life and how things can drastically change in just a few short years. These people who I didn’t exactly like when they wrote me…I was able to hold a few conversations with a few of them this morning. I was thinking about when I knew these people back then…I was a completely different person.

I’ve been constantly changing and learning through so many different experiences. My life has been anything but boring. I’ve shared a short version of my story with you all and I’m sure in just the few words I wrote about it I had a few gaping mouths.

This blog post is another to the younger generation.

Relationships.

NOW! I’m pretty much the LAST person who should be giving any kind of relationship advice. But, I’ve been in enough(too many) to know what’s up out there in the real world.

Dating is fun right? Crushes are fun right? 

Right! They are so fun!

But honestly I don’t want to talk about dating or crushes or any of the lovey dicey ewwie gewwie stuff.

I’ve been through not one but TWO failed marriages.

Some of you are probably like NEXT BLOG POST PLEASE. Or this girl is crazy pants! Or why in the world would anyone take relationship advice from you?! 

Well, I’ve been there. I’ve been there numerous times and failed.

The one conclusion I have come to… The very one thing I needed to change.

•Do not..I repeat…do not put your happiness in someone else.

This puts the relationship on a fast track to failure real quick.

Some of you are probably like yeah okay…but they make me happy? 

Great. I’m extremely glad they make you happy. But, what I am saying is… Do not let them be the only thing that makes you happy. Do not in trust your happiness in them alone.

You have to be okay without this person. You have to be able to function when they aren’t around. You just do.

Another important point…

Which to most normal people this is a real easy one. But let me tell you…it is easy to say…but to act on I have failed. 

Stay faithful

For your dang self and for those surrounding you. Just do it. 

Again, more head shaking I’m sure. I’m sure people are thinking this point is all too obvious. It’s not though. It should be. But it isn’t. 

Relationships are extremely hard work. Marriage is extremely hard work. (And we wonder why I’ve been married twice..)

Coming from someone who has been through two divorces.

Two very painful and two totally different situations. 

I was raised in a home where you work it out. You don’t get divorced. I’m not so sure on that point anymore. My vision is foggy from expirience on that subject. It’s like sex before marriage. Once you do it and realize how easy it is to do…it happens multiple times and such..

I’m being completely real here. I’m being raw and honest with my followers. 

I’m here to put the things I’ve been through out there in hopes that maybe, just maybe I am making someone feel like they aren’t alone in their struggles. 

I’m human. I’ve messed up time and dang time again. I will continue to mess up and I will continue to build my story. I will continue to share my story despite what some may think of me. I will take the chance and share what I have to say. 

I’ve said this and I will say it again. I’ve been judged in the past and I will get judged and continue to be judged by people. If you don’t like what I share in my blog…don’t read it. Simple as that. 
I’ve made some mistakes to get where I am. But where I am is in happiness. So, I guess in the end everything that led up to this point was worth the troubles. 
Sure, some things that I’ve learned I wish I had known before I made some of the mistakes in my life. But, like the old saying says, “It is what it is.

What you can do in life is learn from your mistakes and move on. You pack up, pick up, and move right on along.

That’s the best you can do.

Man, I honestly wasn’t sure where I was going with this post. It took an odd turn. Relationships aren’t something I often give much advice over. All I can share is stuff I have personally experienced. Which isn’t the greatest in life. But, I know the mistakes I have made. And I can share them so others can learn from me as well. Use me as an example or something. 

I’m going to stop going on and on now.

Thanks for reading today’s ramblings,

Lex 

That image thing again…

That image thing again…

hello all.

I’m about to put another blog out there on one of my most favorite subjects again. Self image and how you view yourself.

I was scanning through my Facebook feed this morning when this ad popped up. 

It showed a bunch of before and after photos of girls before and after they were photoshopped. It exclaimed that I too could have a photoshopped look! Oh my! “How perfect” I thought(not). 

I clicked the link and downloaded the app. I wanted to try it before I started to knock something I knew nothing about. 

I downloaded it and opened it. I played around with a few pictures. I was shocked at the features this app presented. 

You can change your cheek bones, put make up on yourself, change the length and style of your eye lashes, change the shape of your brows, SHAPE YOUR NOSE…and my all time favorite…make you face “thinner”! YAY(said with complete sarcasm).

The app is called “perfect365” 

I admit it was totally fun to play around with. But, in reality it’s a sick and twisted app. It allows you to lie about what you look like to social media. It allows you to change your already perfect face. You can even erase blemishes. I mean come on. We are human. We have pimples. Crap happens. 

If you want to use an app to make yourself physically into something you aren’t. That’s fine. It’s just mind blowing wanting to change things about your already perfect features. 

Coming from someone who use to have major self image issues and sometimes still do…seeing an almost perfect women and comparing myself to them only to find out that they don’t even look like that…it creates a false idea that you can be perfect…then people like me try so hard to look a certain way when in reality you can’t do what an app can do. 

I admit I do use filters on my photos at times. Usually to lighten up photos that would be otherwise too dark. Other than that I don’t like messing with my pictures. I don’t want to create a false image of myself in any way shape or form. That means the inside and the out. That’s why I am extremely open to sharing my mistakes and owning up to what I’ve done wrong.

Sure, some might think this is extremely silly of me…to be so passionate about an app. But as I said before..I was once that super self conscious girl looking at all the photoshopped picture perfect petiole who were fake.

I want real beauty. I want to see beautiful women post pictures even when they have a few pimples or blemishes on their skin. I want to see people who aren’t perfect and aren’t afraid to show that they aren’t. 

I want to see REAL women with REAL life problems. Moms with messy hair and no make up. Girls who don’t have to cake the make up on to feel free and beautiful.

This is all my opinion. I was mind blown when this app popped up. You can make yourself look like someone completely different. Why would you want to do that when you could just be simply you? I get it to a point. Because I was there in wanting so badly to change my appearance.

I wanted to be thinner…I wanted a different shape face. I wanted longer legs and skinner arms and smaller shoulders. I wanted different hair. I wanted a flatter tummy. I wanted to feel beautiful. Over time I have found that confidence. I haven’t found it through worldly things, or men, or even other women or friends. I have had to learn to find it through myself. I learned I couldn’t love myself and find the beauty in myself through others. No other person could satisfy that hunger to feel beautiful.

No human words made me feel pretty. I had to discover it myself through myself. 

So take a step back. And young girls…you’re beautiful. And finding that beauty can be a journey sometimes. But believe in your journey and you will find it. And when you do it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world. To be truly comfortable in your own skin is the best feeling in this earth.

Here is the before and after picture that I played with on that ridiculous app…

  
Thanks for reading, 

Lex

Role reversal

Role reversal

  
In a growing world where roles are becoming less and less clear…

In our grandparents and great grandparents and even some of our parents days…men were men and women were women. In everyday life women had their roles and men had their roles.

It’s just how it was. Men worked and brought home the money to take care of the family. Men were the head of the household and women stayed home and took care of the home, watched the children and cooked.

In today’s world that is a rarity. If you don’t believe in roles and such that’s great too. This post is in no way against you. I’m just throwing that out there. This is my own opinion that I’m am entitled to. 

I had a friend suggest this subject(thank you by the way..because I’ve been dying on the inside all day long).

She also threw out there if women should pick up the tab on the first date..and not only the first date but any dates.

Here’s my thing. I don’t usually personally pick up the tab. In fact personally I never have on “dates”. If a man made me pay for us both on the first date I just wouldn’t really give him a second thought. I guess that’s just how I was raised. Maybe I’m a little old school but I believe that’s the man job.

If you’re into that then by all means that’s great. Personally, I’m not. And it’s not that I don’t want to Pay for anything. If we have been dating a while…I would love to help out. I will offser to stop on the way home from work and pick up food or even stop, buy food, and go home and cook. I work, therefore I can contribute. 

I believe if I’m in a relationship with someone and I am working. I’ll help. I’ll help with bills. I will pay for as much as I can and even help save money. That’s who I am and how I am. I help where I can. 

Now, if I’m helping with money and I’m working full time as well. I expect the person I am dating to help around the house. Help keep it clean and tidy. 

If I’m not working and the person I’m in a relationship is the only one working..my sole job is to cook, clean, and take care of the house. 

So, yes, I do believe in roles. 

In a society where genders are fading…I fully believe in male and female. If you believe that you were born a female in a males body…that’s you…not me. I don’t have to believe or have the same beliefs as everyone in th world. That’s what makes America great. FREEDOM. I have the freedom to believe what I wish. I believe a female is a female and a male is a male. 

Since I believe in roles..Does this make women any less equal to men? No way.

I believe just as much that a man can be a stay at home dad as well. So, the same goes for stay at home men as well. Men, if you stay at home and don’t work…you should contribute more to keeping the house clean and cooking and such. That’s again, my opinion. I do believe roles can be reversed. As I said, I believe in stay at home dads too. 

I do however love when a man pays for dates, opens doors, and holds my hand. 

Maybe I’m old fashion. I love the idea of stay at home mother and working husband. 

I love the idea of a man taking care of the family and the wife taking care of the husband, house, and children. 

I just love the old fashion “roles” of men and women. I just do. At the same time I love how this day and age allows me to be an independent women as well.

I just do. 

I do also like the way women are equal to men in the world these days. 

I would call what I believe in a remix belief of roles. Because I believe in the roles but I love the fact that women are equal to men.

I love the opportunities women have these days. I love how women can be career women and be successful without a man. I love that they can be stay at home moms and respected and loved and supported by their men. I love how we as women have such great opportunities in today’s world in the United States. 

Some places are not so lucky. And I refuse to take that for granted.

So, there you have it folks. My take on male/female roles these days. 

Thanks for reading,

Lex 

Finding joy in the midst of chaos..

Finding joy in the midst of chaos..

  
Finding joy in the least likely of situations…
Finding joy in the least likely situations is something that has made my life completely turn around.

I’m experiencing the worst time of my life. Yet, at the same time it is the happiest I have ever been in my whole life(besides the day my princess was born of course).

As rocky as the road has been lately. It has been a learning adventure on so many levels.

For those of you who are just now joining my party and you haven’t read any of my previous blog posts…here is what I am talking about.

Life for me hasn’t been normal by the formal use of the word. Nothing about me or my life is anywhere near normal. Or even close at that matter.

I did things backwards and then forwards and then all jumbled up and screwed up. I put the phrase “I’m only human” to a whole new level.

Recap:

(I feel like a reality tv series….”previously on life with Lexie” ha!)

I got pregnant at the age of 17. Married my daughters father. Married for almost 4 years. Divorced. For reasons I’m not comfortable sharing on my blog…maybe one day. I got re married. Wasn’t married a year. I did some things that I’m not proud of. Marriage number dos ends. Currently in a jumbled mess of crazy and amazing.

There is your recap.

I will, one day, share the full story of everything. Maybe when it isn’t so fresh. Stay tuned on that one.

I have lost lots of important people or pushed them away. Things aren’t the same with some. Some choose not to talk to me anymore. And some fully have my back and don’t agree with what I did but still love me and help guide me and hold me up anyways.

Finding myself through this situation has been wonderful. Finding true joy is wonderful as well. Feeling completely at peace in a situation that most(even the old me) would of fallen completely apart in. 

Having peace when the world is crashing down around you takes time. It takes a mind set that is set apart. Even with my depression and anxiety I am still getting through.

On days where it seems impossible to get through you must remind yourself you’re still here. You’re still alive and everything is and will be okay. It helps when you have those around you encouraging you and reminding you of how blessed you are to still be alive, breathing, and a roof over your head. 

I know I blog about this subject a ton. But, I’m extremely passionate about letting people know that no matter your situation that it is okay to be positive. It’s okay to love your life despite the mistakes you make and such. It’s okay. I promise.

On a complete other note…the flowers pictures above were given to me by my momma. Though things may be rough right now, I know everything will be okay. I know it. My mom is one of the best ladies I know on this earth. I’m thankful for the things she shares with me. These flowers mean a lot. And they will be dear to me of course. They will show me that even through the winter they will stay alive. They will survive the cold even though they don’t care for it much. Like the flowers we will survive the “winter” of our lives. The cold months. The months that may hurt. But we have it.

Plus, these little guys don’t need a whole lot of lovin when it comes to watering and such. Perfect for someone who is terrible at keeping indoor plants alive. 

They are fun and apparently they grow and expand extremely fast as well. Sweet! 

If you’ve made a mistake…high five. You’re human. Welcome to the world of being human. I’ve learned lately that it’s okay to love yourself and be loved even when you’ve screwed up in some very big ways.

I have a lot working against me currently in life. But, I’m just going to keep my head up and keep finding myself along the way. My eyes have been opened to what’s truly important lately.

Just let life take you on its ride. When you learn a lot about yourself it’s so completely worth it. And when you have those who truly care by your side nothing can stop you. You were meant for more than you think. Trust me. Keep joy close. Keep peace close. Keep a peaceful heart and mind in the midst of an extremely violent world. 

Alright, I’m done rambling now.

Thanks for reading,

Lex

Random nothingness

Random nothingness

Oh good afternoon my dear bloggers!!! 
I have been so busy this weekend I haven’t even had time to blog. I have been so disconnected from my phone/social media and I love it. It’s insane what stepping away from those things will do for you very heart and soul.

As much as I truly do love social media and the way it connects folks. I love a good step back.

My weekend was pretty great. I honestly haven’t been brain storming blog ideas or blog topics the past few days so I don’t really have much to blog on. I have a few sitting in my drafts that I’m just not quite ready to post yet. 

Therefore, this blog is going to be very short and sweet. I hope yall don’t mind.

  
First off, pictured above was the highlight of my weekend. The Florida Georgia line concert. I got to expirience it with great friends and the weather couldn’t of been more perfect. 

It was the most perfect fall afternoon. A great night for a concert. 

If you’ve never been to an FGL concert you’re missing out. They put on one hell of a show. Even people who don’t care for their music enjoy watching them perform. They are full of talent and their band knows how to rock out. 

It was great to put on my boots and dance the night away. 

There was no hiking this weekend seeing we didn’t get home till after 1am this morning. It was a long night and our bodies needed more rest than anything.

Other than that I got nothing else at this time. I am actually at a loss for words of happiness. That doesn’t really happen often so I’m soaking it in!

I hope everyone had a great fun filled weekend!

I’ll be back tomorrow!

Thanks for reading,

Lex

Weekend wonders

Weekend wonders

hey all!

Sorry I haven’t blogged in a few days. The weekend was a busy one and I picked to focus on the now than to blog. 

It’s nice to take a step back from social media and blogging some days.

It’s nice to soak up your surroundings and those who surround you.

  
That ^ was quite the view on my hike today. I was suppose to go on s hike yesterday but it rained all day long. I’m so glad it did though. I did shopping and footbal yesterday and hiking and more football today.

I have never quite enjoyed the weekends as I do now. I cherish every last single second of them.

Learning to soak in the time I have here on this beautiful earth is such a fun and beautiful process.

Learning to love life despite the pain, despite the hardship, and despite the struggles. It’s so very beautiful.

Tonight I am soaking in a very quiet house while drinking some wine. 

  
And every single last quiet second is perfect. 

Struggling through life with anxiety and depression is hard some days. It’s a learning process. It’s about learning what gets me down and what gets me up. 

Cutting out the things in life that bring you down is okay. No matter what they are. Life is too short to keep things or people in your life that don’t belong there. Hold the ones that lift you up close. The others can go.

Alright, that’s enough of my rambles for the day. I’ll post a more meaningful and more thought our blog post tomorrow. I hope everyone had a funfilled and safe weekend.

Thanks for reading,

Lex