Frustrations

Frustrations

Where do I even begin with this one?
So many emotions are filled up inside me right now. Why? Well, it could be that I’m 40 weeks and 2 days pregnant and Caroline is still wiggling around inside my belly…with no end in sight.
I know, I know. Just because 40 weeks has come and passed doesn’t mean a thing.
To me however, it does. 
The frustration here is my anxiety. I got so anxious and counted down weekly to my due date. I marked off days and weeks and was so excited for that one day, January 19th. 
I mean come on..my first daughter came ON her due date. So this little one must be coming on or around hers too right? Wrong. Maybe in a perfect world in some other universe. 
I’m learning something as each day goes by. I am learning I am no longer terrified of birthing this baby. The fear is gone. I am actually more motivated to get it done and over with. I’m more motivated to push through. I’m extremely determined.
I’m so ready to see her. I however don’t want to rush Gods time or hers. I totally understand she will come when she is ready. I know this. 
I have accepted my body understands what to do. It has done this before. It knows how to go into labor naturally. I trust it will.
I had my 40 week doctors appointment this past Thursday. I didn’t see my normal midwives. I saw a doctor. She was lovely and so full of life. If I had any doctor birth my daughter I think I would want it to be here. She herself being 34 weeks pregnant. She gets it. Anyways, she offered to schedule me to be induced. For Monday or Tuesday. 
It was so tempting. I mean, how awesome would it be to be able to know when she was coming. To have an actual end in sight. A goal day to count down to. I could shower and do my hair and make up before I went in. I could dress cute and feel fabulous entering the hospital. Then…I stopped. Being induced meant an IV. Being induced meant putting medicine inside of my body to force my body into labor. What if Monday or Tuesday my body wasn’t ready for that yet? Getting induced would be against my whole goal of going naturally. 
Now look. I’m not saying inducing is bad. I’m not saying if my baby were in danger I wouldn’t induce. I’m saying as long as baby and mom are both happy and healthy. I’m baking this baby until my body and baby are ready to come without the help of modern day medicine. 
As tempting as it sounded I am so glad I stopped and took my goals into consideration. I’m glad I didn’t jump the gun and go for it. 
I want her here of course. She is worth the wait. 
I will continue to count down the days. Or count up the days at this point. To when she comes. 
I am strong and determined and will stick by my goals. As frustrating as waiting around is. 
Due dates are full of crap. They mean nothing. And my next pregnancy I will be keeping this little fact in my mind from the day they tell me my due date. Babies will come when babies are ready. And they don’t care or know what that date on the calendar means. 
So any other mommies out there who are past their due date. Hold tight. Relax. Your body and your baby know exactly what to do. 
Thanks for reading,

Lex 

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